Orky’s World of Phun

You all may be wondering what’s been happening with me since you last saw me. Well, there was the accident while I was performing on my clown bike for a company party at the local upholstery factory. Without any warning, I was run over by the Energizer Bunny. It was a hit and run and hit and run and hit and run, as it kept going and going and going. I don’t recall all the details myself, but after a thorough investigation, the police charged the bunny with battery while armed. According to witnesses, the bunny kept hitting and hitting and hitting me with drumsticks. Fortunately, I was knocked into the upholstery machine and came out fully recovered. The corduroy fabric that wrapped my face has been creating a lot of headlines. The bicycles, of course, can no longer stand up, as it’s two tired.

While I was out of circulation, I failed to pay my exorcist and got repossessed. Between destinations, while I was neither here nor there, I learned that the faster you move, the slower time passes. The slower time passes, the longer you live (at least it seems longer). Of course, though growing older is mandatory, I believe growing up is still optional.

In the interim, I’ve taken a job as a freelance traveling fortuneteller. My new job title is “small medium at large”. I learned that patience may be a virtue, but persistence is what gets the job done. If you can’t beat them, join them, and then beat them.

They’ve put me on a very successful diet, its called mind over platter. If I get hungry, it uses the clock method. I’m allowed to go back four seconds. I only get bread on a knead-to-know basis. It practices safe eating in always using condiments. My favorite spread is Dijon vu, the same old mustard all over again. My doctor says that with respect to wine, women and song, I can sing all I want. They are treating any hunger pangs with an acupuncture procedure known as the jab well done.

I know you all have a great sense of rumor, so do as I do. When I’m feeling low, I just keep reminding myself of the old saying of the sages, “Time flies like an arrow, fruit flies like a banana.” (When in doubt, think about it!)

Jest kidding! – Orky T. Clown